How To Keep A Happy Marriage
Posted: Sunday, April 05, 2009
by Asher Ricard
I can't help as a wife to click on these stories when I see the headlines online. I am always curious to see if I am doing things right or if there is something else as a wife I need to do to make my marriage happier.
Surfing the web tonight was no different. "What blissful couples know" is what the headline read claiming that nine women were going to spill the secrets to a happy relationship.
I want advice from the woman who still manages to get a pat on her butt after 35, 40, 50 years, etc. I want advice from the woman who has never spent a night apart from her hubby since their first wedding night. To me, that is a woman who has advice to give.
As I read this article that originated from Redbook, I felt disillusioned. The first woman to share advice has been married nine months. Please, that is still in that first two-year lust phase. This person is going to give me advice on how to fight?
It just gets worse from there. The most any of these women had been married was eight years. I am not trying to dismiss any of their advice, it is just I want a track record behind those who give me free advice to make my marriage better.
That being said, I wanted to share the worst advice I have heard new couples get over the years.
Going to counseling is only for those in trouble or is a sign your relationship is in trouble. I hear guys and girls think the worse about couples who go to counseling. I wished my husband and I would have had more counseling before marriage. It isn't a sign your relationship is in trouble, it is a sign you are committed to do whatever necessary to better your relationship. Every couple should go to counseling, retreat, etc. at least once in your life.
You should keep separate bank accounts. This is just a recipe for disaster. Yes, he or she may be the spender and you are the controller, but you need to be able to work together as husband and wife for the same goals. His and her money can quickly become his and her lives. There is no accountability.
It is ok to have opposite sex friends. I have seen individuals of a couple that go out with their so-called "best friend," who happens to be the opposite sex. If they are their "best friend," why are they not married to them? After marriage, look for couple friends. Do not set yourself up for failure by spending time with a member of the opposite sex alone.
You should spend every moment together. Take up his hobbies, I have heard. You know there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend quality time with your mate, but make sure you both have quality time with others or alone. We all need friends and we all need space.
Your spouse should always come first. My mom gave me this advice. It is 100 percent wrong. I had been having issues with my marriage when we started counseling. One of the things I had learned is to place God first in my life and depend on God to meet my needs. I was explaining how this had freed up so much of my expectations and needs in my life. Her response was, "How could you ever put religion before your husband or even your family? "Your family should always be first." She died shortly after that conversation barely a week later. I never got the opportunity to show her how important God is for a relationship to survive.
I am sure you have gotten some bad or bizarre advise over the years about your relationships as well. Feel free to share them in the comment section below. We can all shake our heads in wonder.
After all, we all know the internet is the place to find the best advice on keeping marriages together!
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)I enjoyed your article Asher, lots of great advice! I've been happily married twenty-four years. I don't think you can be happy with someone else, unless you're happy with yourself first. I think in order to grow as a couple you must encourage and support one another as individuals along the way.
Asher,Very insightful and I agree with you. God first, husband second and children third. If you do your job well, the kids will leave and you will still have a great marriage.Great job!Nancy
Enjoyed your article very much. Marriage is not my long suit. I would and do encourage people to seek counseling if their marriage is in trouble. I encourage them to do everything they can to find a way to have a good relationship. Putting God first is a great place to start.Linda D.
Hi Asher,you "want advice from the woman who still manages to get a pat on her butt after 35, 40, 50 years"?? no problem, here goes ...... well obviously the best advice comes from Mr "THE KINGDOM OF GOD IS WITHIN YOU" ...... who was not technically a woman but he did have long hair and a beard ......... no, wait, thats my mother-in-law ........anyway thanks for the great article
My husband always used to say that there is more to marriage than romantic love. There is Duty adn The Co-orporation. (eg the family) Well when I ist heard this I was horrified to think that you could sustain a marriage without romantic love. Well, as time went on and we got tho our 10th then 20th, then 25th anniversary I came to realise that there is strength in what he said and it help me through some of the less romantic moments of our marriage!! I still believe however that it is an innate human need to have romantic fulfillment in life.A great article Look forward to reading some of your other writing.Elfreda
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