How To Be A Supportive Wife When A Career Defines A Man’s Self-Worth
Posted: Saturday, April 19, 2008
by Asher Ricard
It has recently come to my attention the impact a man's career has on who he is as a person. This concept is odd to me.
My son plays baseball every week and going into the tenth game, I have begun to develop a friendship with one of the other moms. Despite talking two to three times a week for over an hour at a time, I have no clue what she does for a living. I know she works because she is a single mom of twins, but I do not have the slightest idea what she does.
Society does place a lot of pressure on men. Despite moving through feminism, the man of the family does feel pressured to bring home the bacon so to speak. Hence, the added pressure of looking at a career as a definition of whom he is as an individual.
Careers can make or break the mood of a husband. My husband just received a new position and you would think he won the lottery. His mood has done a complete 360 overnight. He is more confident, excited about our future and just more content. He has gone from someone who spent every night down and complaining to being the most positive person I know.
So that brings me to the question. How do we support our husband if he is unhappy at his job? How do we support him if he defines who he is by his career/job? What is our role as a wife? Well, there are several steps women can take to show support for their husband whether he is happy or down about his position in life.
Always Show Respect
Men need respect-they crave it. Unfortunately, the difference between a bad job and a great job can be just a simple matter of not getting respect. Therefore, go the extra mile by showing/giving your man the respect he deserves. Don't make it so that he has no place to go where he feels that he is respected. What a sad life? To not have any place where people/anybody show respect could make a man feel two inches tall. You are his wife-he should feel love and respected with you most of all.
Don't List His Failures
As women, it is so easy to make a laundry list of gripes, so to speak. We have this tendency to expect our man to meet needs that he shouldn't ever be responsible for or just isn't capable of doing. Unfortunately as women we have a gene that lets us remember every failure whether it is work related or not. Then when the opportunity arises, we slam out husband and their self-esteem falls to the ground. I know it is easy to do. Believe me, I have done it a lot. But don't be that way-rise to the occasion and instead remind him of his successes instead.
Be A Good Listener
The key word is listener. I can't tell you how many times my husband will be complaining about someone or something at work and I find myself criticizing how he handled the situation or giving advice on how to fix the issue. This is not what a husband needs. He needs someone to blow off some steam from a horrible day at work. Then he needs some affirmation that he handled it the right way. If you can't affirm his actions, then just keep your mouth shut. Maybe tell him you are sorry he had such a bad day at work, but that you are happy he is at home now so he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. This can change the tone and focus from the bad day.
Don't Compare With Other Men
I can't tell you how many times I have seen women compliment other men besides their husbands on the work they do. Women, seriously, do you have any idea what you do to your husband when you do this. So what if that other man owns his own business and buys his wife this or that. You married your husband for a reason and comparing him with someone else is just unfair. Most times they are completely different fields-so please keep your comments and thoughts to yourself.
Encourage. Encourage. Encourage.
Men love to hear good things about themselves. Even if he is doing a job that you feel is beneath him. Tell him you are proud of the hard work he does for the family. Leave cards or notes telling him how happy you are for something he does at work as well as things he does outside of work. Encourage him with special treats such as a special snack, etc. Make sure he feels loved.
As women, we tend to forget that our husbands need to be shown loved as well. Make sure that the love you give is not tied into the money he brings home. Also, realize that men go through a lot of pressure trying to be in the position that they need to be. Finally just be willing to view him as the most talented man in his field despite what position he holds.
This Article has been viewed 4,034 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Very well said. Men have a God given need to provide for their families, and we as women need to encourage our men. obviously one must make money to survive, but money in itself does not determine if a man is taking care of his family. I knew a man once who cheated on his wife.. He felt justified because he had an excellent job. His wife had a beautiful house, his kids had everything they needed and more, and he believed he was a great provider. Many in society use this as an excuse... but then again, could it be a wife that is not nurturing his needs despite how well he "provides"? Great article! Blessings to you! Teresa
hi asher, i think this was a very well written, well thought out, interesting article. it also could be flip flopped to the stay at home mom. thanks for sharing, best regards, sue thom
yes it is. this is distinctly an inspiration to wives who want to be good friends and not headaches. to their husbands. To have a blissful marriage, we wives have got to continuosly equip ourselves with such write-up like this and also put it into action, forgetting not that we must be very prayerful in all.
This article explains exactly what my marriage is going through. A few months after my husband and I got married, he was fired from a good job. Since that day he has changed completely, he is always looking for ways to make himself feel better about himself...he changed the way he dresses, his habits, his diet...but his focus are on jobs that are low in pay and easy to do. He tells me he can't find a better job, and his motivation to try is gone. We have moved in with my parents, and our life has turned into constant fights over this issue. The hardest part about being encouraging is when you feel that person is doing the least they can do, and after months of being supportive and patient, our life is turning upside down. Now that I have graduated college and got a good job, I have become a constant nag and saying really mean things that only bring his self esteem down even more. I find myself struggling with my own attitude towards the situation more than I struggle with his attitude. A constant battle that I hope changes from day to the next as you suggest. Thanks for the article, a common problem in marriage that needs to be tackled!
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.